Here is my platform that, regardless of reader demand, I can output whatever I want whenever I want. I could use this blog solely for pirate knock-knock jokes if I wanted. So with this ability, why is it I never post anything? It’s not that I think other people don’t care about this blog (most don’t), but that I currently don’t. I feel so overwhelmed with the few activities in my life that I don’t go beyond what demands immediate attention. I don’t really live-I just put out fires.
I just got back from California where we had a mini family reunion. It was sweet. Since I returned “home” I have been doing everything but work of any sort. My eyes and wrists are starting to really hate computers. My scholastic apathy grows strong within me. In the past I was burnt out because of the sheer volume of work and school. Now I have intentionally slowed down and things are getting worse in some ways. I just don’t care anymore, which is bad.
I can’t really take a break from work, even though it’s the largest transgressor of my soul. That’s just common sense. I shouldn’t leave for a new job because I just started this one. I shouldn’t quit school because it would push me so far back that it would be that much harder to complete any real degree.
Unsurprisingly, I’ve been pretty stressed recently. I can gauge my stress levels by the rate at which a “cuss word” pops into my head (or mouth) following an unfortunate turn of events- my ‘cuss-o-meter’ if I may. I refer to this metric as ‘zero to fuck’ speed.
Also, I don’t like talking about anything too personal because I’m a slight privacy freak. Other bloggers in this l’il online community drop names and places, but not me. Not that it’s that difficult to find me; I have a landline in my name so it’s pretty darn easy- several folks have found me recently online. Anyways, if I have something personal to rant about like sex, drugs or rock and roll then I don’t think this would be the best medium for that. Here again, people close to me have disagreed.
Here’s a concept that is a bit hotter and debatable than I thought: praying and cussing. Here’s my reasoning- if God knows what’s going on in your head/heart then why intentionally cover that up with some religious garbage? Here’s a side example- I only use strong adult language around those I trust to understand me and are ‘ok’ being around strong adult language. So I should be much more open around any entity who knows me better than I do. If my instant reaction to an incident is “Fuck, God. Why?” then should I try to communicate some elaborate prayer filled with Christianese and King James? Answer: no. I guess it’s my own version of WWJD. God is so much more than a language cop. He created humans and language so I’m pretty sure he figure out the intentions of any communication spoken or otherwise. So I figure, just be open- it’s good for the human.
Recently, a female blogger wondered if guys ever just randomly get emotional and tear up. I just thought I’d share this little story- I was reading the public school newsletter the other day and was looking at an article about how the Wyoming governor gave one of the new Wyoming quarters to every student. And I just went ahead a teared up a little. I’ve always said this peculiar behavior was a sign that I was past due for a good sob.
Random thought: Sheryl Crow called for people to use, on average, one square of TP per bathroom visit so as to conserve paper. My average is around 6 to 8 and even more in public restrooms.
Somewhere in here, if you look where I wasn’t typing, is why I don’t blog anymore.
sounds like you need a sob, hope you get that fixed. later man