So I just wanted to spend some time doting on the fact that I am a bachelor. Don’t think I am actually complaining. We all know every proverbial base in the baseball field of life represents a relationship level previously unattained. So if third is frantic reproduction and a homer is marriage with a house, boat and kids, I am still in the dugout. Heck, maybe not even there. I mean, I started out in the Little Leagues, traded up to the 21 and Over League for about two years and now I’m stuck in the grey area of been-there-done-that-and-am-not-currently-doing-it-again.
But we are not gathered here today to mourn mono v. duo. We are gathered to celebrate this peculiarity. I thought of this some time ago when I realized that I had been using the same 13.5 oz Safeway 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner for over 5 months. Yes! Go me! And let us not forget that as we speak, I am trying a new lunch involving Albertsons’ garlic bread and ham. Not too shabby and oh-so-simple. May I point you to my bathroom garbage can which has held a wee bit of someone’s puke for over a month now? Or my habit of playing guitar after arriving home in the wee hours of the morning. My house remains free of pastels, dolls, doilies and is a certified Irrational Button Free Zone.
Please don’t think I’m trashing on women. No no, women provide so many things guys don’t even realize are missing. A companionship such as that provided by females tames the Test Fest (take that, chick magazines with your endless cheesy alliterative nicknames for everything) in men.
I’m simply celebrating singleness. I feel this to be an important part of the development of any human attempting to rise beyond adolescence. To have no one else to blame for the messes, no one to take care of you when lazy, to have no doting type who tries to ease your busy schedule. Just you- you and the bills and life decisions in a sometimes too quiet apartment. Youth today are so caught up the relationship game, too busy hot-swapping lust for drama, to enjoy the fact they have no large responsibilities, no binding ties. There’s a time for everything. So this is my time to develop my decorating taste, my financial goals and my eating habits. And learn from all my failures. Because gosh darnit, I’m not so smooth at grocery shopping. Or itemizing my deductions.
Might be time for another garlic bread and ham surprise!