The Madness

Yes, dear constant reader, it’s the details that make a place special. This place, this blog, has not attained such notoriety due to pompous blather. Oh no, it’s times like this when I share from my heart that we all gain so much more.

When driving, one excellent way to stay awake is to pluck at one’s nose hairs. This is best reserved for road trips, which minimizes visibility and maximizes full-blown search of said orifices. Per my usual high-quality tips, this provides gain in multiple areas: deforestation and attentiveness. The former is merely the nice by-product, the latter is essential. Yes, nose hair plucking provides that zest which makes the state of awakeness that much greater.

There are some disadvantages to this. Let me relate to you a story of a time some months ago when I employed this attentiveness technique. All was well and good, keeping my mind in an active state of processing pain followed by short spikes of adrenalin. I found one plucky little fellow that didn’t immediately desire removal. I pulled anyway, and found myself experiencing a most singular pain; i couldn’t decide whether to cry or to sneeze. Unforgettable, but fortunately rare.

There, o constant reader, go about your life confident of deeper meaning.

I know, therefore I am paranoid.  Thats’s my motto for internet transactions at least.  Much of my self-education in computers has been in security.  Basically, if it was built by a man, it will be broken by a man.  It’s just a matter of time, money and/or someone smarter.

So it behooves those who are a little more on the paranoid, tinfoil hat side of thing to find ways  to protect themselves.  I have discovered a fairly elegant solution.  It’s the websecretcard.  Yes, this little Mastercard is a non-refillable pre-paid card used only for online, phone and mail orders.  I found mine at Radioshack.  If you want to find one near you, use their locator service.  The nice thing about this card is that it requires no personal information to use. None.  There are drawbacks, such as the $15 activation fee, pre-set amounts and single use (i.e. non-refillable).  Overall it seems to be a good solution to keeping one’s private information, well, private.

So here’s a story about a company who’s using standard pc chip manufacturing to make microphones. Super cool stuff:

http://www.reghardware.co.uk/2006/02/27/akustica_single-chip_mems_microphone/

So, I can’t recall how exactly I came across this little tidbit, but there’s some related links I’ll share with you as well.  Some brilliant blokes from the U.K. decided to use the Java platform on cell phones to push them into the territory all good technology goes: sex.  The good folks at Vibelet.com have a cell phone program to use one’s cellular telephone into a vibrating sex toy.  This, to me, is hilarious.

And The Register, a site I enjoy frequenting, has two articles related to this that I also find quite amusing.  The first is the one medically removed, the other about a very embarrassed thief.
Ahhh, kids these days.

So, as proof I have too much thinking time, I made up a new word. Ready? It goes like this:

piddlelocation

Now, let’s take a look at a tired and therefore inherently lazy male. Said male arises during the noctournal hours with a pressing need to relieve pressure on his bladder. Said male intends to accomplish this goal with a minimum of effort in order to speed reconcliliation with his bed. Said male will undoubtedly stand and also not turn on the light; the luminscence would impede safe travels back to bed and also takes effort. Therefore, said male utilizes all other sensory perceptions available to him…namely sound. Which is uncannily similar to how bats operate using ultrasonic emissions. So “echolocation” + “”piddle” = “piddlelocation!”

Yes, yes, I know: sheer brilliance.

So last weekend I went to Homestead Crater near Heber City, Utah to take the qualifying exam for my PADI scuba certification. You, my questionably reader, may have known this already. The drive was about 6 hours one-way. A little hefty for sure, but not terrible. The hotel we stayed at was the Swiss Alps Inn, which was decorated in such a way that I’m sure my mother would approve. On the way there a firmly professional executor of the law pulled me over to discuss my disregard to the posted speed. To help reacquaint my person with attentiveness to said subject, he issued a stiff monetary penalty.

So there I was, in Utah. Had plenty of brainstorming time and was ready for some scuba diving. We (the qualifying class) made four dives over two days, not going below 35 ft. My minty new gear worked great which is very nice, and all the necessary skills came back quickly from my classes last December. Fun stuff, just frolilcking about a few storeys below the surface.

And now, of course I want to dive again. They try really hard to hook people on scuba diving. I’d like to get into dry-suit diving using re-breathers. Of course, this means more money for more classes. Guess I’ll start saving!