The Madness

this whole writing at oh dark twenty is not the brightest- a man recently lost his succulent livelihood for this very transgression. the reason being one may say some things that one will probably regret later, but by then the national media outlets have plastered it across the world… better luck with that next career Mr. Jim Zumbo.

i’m apparently too lazy to capitalize letters, but i’ll refer to it as an artistic choice. i should be in bed, but here is a too-brief version of what i would have written at a decent hour. let’s all thank steve for writing a new blog and inspiring me to make the effort. and thanks to those who have commented on my blog thus far- i hope everyone will comment on occasion. it makes me feel more important. =)

A confession: spiritual stuff freaks me out. good or bad. i mean, when people start talking about spiritual warfare, it appeals to my faith but scares the crap out of me. one would assume that hearing stories about visions and casting out demons would inspire me, but that is really not the case. and i feel like it makes me less of a believer (although logically i realize this to be not true).

A thought:a couple weeks ago i made it back to the church i grew up in. i started thinking about church personalties, and the tone set by the leaders (worship and otherwise). here’s my analogy: everyone has had familiar conversations - some of those are fun, comfortable and pick up right where it left off; other times it’s familiar because the same person tells the same exact stories in the same exact tone with the same bad jokes and the conversation is awkward and strained. so apply this to one’s relationship with God- when one prays, how does the human feel? that feeling, while likely imperceptible to others, is by my guesstimation a good marker for spiritual health. now extend this to a church. the leaders create a certain atmosphere and attendees quickly pick up on it. there is likely a wide variety of interpretations, but it is tangible nonetheless. it can then undergo the same rigmarole to test for ‘health.’

or i could have just produced a big steamy pile of ASCII shit. nighty-night.

This will hopefully be short. I have this tendency to write with an increased level of verbosity and verbage than i would use in conversation. i will try to avoid that in this short bit. this may also be one of the few blogs with a continuous thread of thought.

i’ll start here: i was reading an article on msn.com the other day which gave tips to women on how to get their silent man to chat.  Knowing women have complained about this to me in the past, i was looking to see what kind of advice they were passing out like so many glow-in-the-dark condoms at the community college health fair.

i was thinking of the first bit of advice tonight when i was chatting with a friend of mine. we were both whining about church; a favorite past time for me. And then i got online to check out a site before i forgot. it just so happened to be a site on a new extremely practical technology for third world situations.

the first suggestion in the msn article says to “ask about a subject he’s interested in.” if you were to ask me about my day, you would get a short and pat answer. if you were to ask me about my week, you would get a slightly longer but still terse reply. Ask me about something that interests me, however (my life rarely does), and i’ll just vent like you’re my favorite shrink. it’ll be a big ‘kaboom’ of impassioned chatter until i use up all 7,000 of my words (vice the 20,000 words-per-day women have according the latest stats i’ve seen).

and now, on to passion. i have a passion for things that aren’t necessarily common (true in both meanings of that phrase). one of the things i like to do is empowerment- like if someone were to have a desire to start their own business or accomplish any important goals, i’d be right there bugging them about it and pushing them to completion beause i love seeing people struggle and then accomplish. it’s awesome.

so to get a silent man to talk, ask him what about his passions. you may have to do some gentle probing/ good observation to find these out, but it will be worth it.  to find out if this man is worth your time, ladies, consider these same passions and how they mix with yours.

my life, without the passions/dreams/lifetime goals that i have, would be worthless. seriously, if i didn’t have those things which pulled me through a few very difficult long-term scenarios, i’m not sure how alive in any sense of the word i would be today.

and just for the record- to put a kink in this armor of perfectness i try to put on everyday - i’ve considered suicide several times before. i can’t do it because of these passions ( in the most non-Valentine’s Day form of the word). This should now be a happy ending.
THE END

P.S. There’s a little spot down here to leave a comment, if you wish. perhaps a little something about your passions?

It’s not what it seems- I’m not running around willy nilly throwing raw sewage at pro-life protesters. This bit o’ news I’m about to share is interesting in several aspects. The two main aspects involve government authorities and females, and there is a conspicuous lack of backlash thus far. Here it goes: The gov’nuh of Texas just sent an order requiring all females entering sixth grade to receive the ‘Gardasil’ shot- a vaccine against the cervical-cancer-causing STD called ‘human papillomavirus,’ or HPV.

Republican Governor Rick Perry, a conservative Christian, opposes “abortion and stem-cell research using embryonic cells, [and] counts on the religious right for his political base.” He also avoided the whole issue of opposition in the Texas Legislature by issuing an executive order. Those who expressed displeasure in the article said it could “condone premarital sex and interfere with the way Texans raise their children.” I’ll give you think the link to decide for yourself. Go to MSNBC.dot.com

I just want to know what people are really thinking about this idea. His executive order covers quite a bit of ground. And one company stands to make billions… will women fight for their right to choose? or is this something to fight for and not against? give me feedback, if you please.

In other exciting news, I just found out Norah Jones released a new album almost 3 days ago! I’m pumped, but not as much now that you all know what a sissy la-la I am for liking her so much. It’s a pretty simple equation though: beautiful music + beautiful voice + beautiful person. Who can blame me for being such a sissy la-la?

As an added bonus, she’s going to be in a movie sometime. This could have more importance to certain readers of this blog if I mention a certain Natalie Portman will also be in that movie, entitled “My Blueberry Nights.”

A new website will be up and running soon which I’m very proud of! Why? ’cause I’m a selfish money mongerer? Well, yes. But that’s not the reason in this case. More details at ten o’ clock… that’s ten o’ clock Monday night…

One reason why I can easily become a workaholic (follow the logic trail, it’s fun!): (1)I like the challenge of fixing computers; (2) I have a job fixing computers; (3)I’m the only with experience fixing computers at that job… Make me feel important, give me a challenge with hope for completion within the month and you’ve got me working on it like a wino works on his fifth 40 ouncer of the night. Presto! Workaholic!

Today I had sushi for the second time in my life. I gotta tell you- I got into some kind of freaky stuff. We even had samples of octopus that i watched get sliced off the raw suction-cup shaved member. Sea food in general has had me set some world records for gag-reflex activation in the past ,but this stuff was just plain good. And I appreciate the aesthetic value of it too. I had the spider roll, which for the meat had deep fried soft crab. two of the rolls had these legs dangling out. I can think of few times that I’ve felt more manly than sitting there with legs dangling out of my mouth. I’m surprised women didn’t rush over to molest me. I would have.

This is me redeeming myself: I have to make up for staring at my computer screen for hours and doing no programming in no languages. Like that double negative? I’ve even maintained a list over the last 27 hours on thoughts to include in this present nugget of joy. I would have worked tonight at my mysterious Job #4, but winter weather set in. According to the leading search engine’s top search result, it is -7 but feels like -26. No wonder I’m cold. My thermostat is set to 64 degrees Fahrenheit. What I really need is a chinchilla on my face. At least I’d be warm. Not really, but it was fun to say ‘chinchilla.’ It still is, come to find out.

My list is not filled with sugar and spice, if you know what I mean. Let’s look… hmmm… out of four items listed two involve body parts and the other two are somewhat introspective. To round things out, I may include last nights’ dream.

Before I forget, there’s pre-diatribe topics I want to mention. A few blogs back I said I wished my parents read these. I still do, to some degree, but here’s my motivation: I had/have this expectation of my parents that necessitates them taking every project ever undertaken by myself and treating it like an elementary school art project to be posted with magnets on the fridge and shown off to their friends. In reality, I have written some things that would make for slightly edgy discussion with my parents and will likely post some things soon that will stretch that line further. Second, there’s two websites I would like to share with you. If you are interested in receiving these blogs in your email with a audio attachment, go to rssfwd.com (it even has a preview) and enter your email for some bloggy goodness. If you are looking for a band that plays nintendo music, go to the minibosses’ website or watch them on youtube.

I better get back to my list. Let’s see- first off we have a brief discussion of bathroom hygiene. Whenever the situation arises that I sit on a toilet, I wipe the seat down with some TP (sometimes I wish it was bleach wipes (or a flamethrower)). So all of my classes this semester are in one building, and there are two bathrooms. There’s the ‘one-holer’ downstairs and the plush ‘two urinals ‘n a toilet’ configuration upstairs. I have a preference but recently have been dismayed at the state I have found said area in. Why, you ask? Someone, some sicko with no morals who talks on his cell phone in movie theaters and tries to meet girls for sex using myspace and likes Mad Dog, Natty Lite and Camo just started leaving bloody boogers hanging about the walls. It’s hard to spell ‘relief’ when one is too busy concentrating on ‘n-o-a-i-d-s-t-o-d-a-y-p-l-e-a-s-e.’

The last statement, the one with the brief mention of aids? That was my example of ignorance. I was being ignorant, and I want you all to know that. It was better than writing ‘e-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-y’ or something like that.

Moving on: I have this plush robe with a rich shade of bubblegum pink that embodies opulence and fashion. I like it. It’s warm, soft and has the obligatory belt to prevent wardrobe malfunctions. But here’s the thing: I’m not sure if I’m the only person that’s ever dealt with this or it has something to do with how I apply said clothing to said body, but it often sends its buildup of static electricity to the ‘lightning rod’ of my reproductive organs, if you know what i mean. It’s just, well, shocking. If the lighting is just wrong, I can witness the actual arcing. And don’t sit there thinking clothing stops it. Oh no, no sirree. It’s just no fun. I’m going to have to start grounding myself while dis-robing.

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On a slightly, but only slightly, related topic, I spoke with a friend who has started dating a non-Christian (pre-Christian, if you prefer) recently. You may assume correctly that she is indeed a Christian. A male friend “of the faith” (it sounded good) expressed dismay when informed of her newfound relationship. When the subject was discussed between her and me, I found myself to be largely encouraging of her relationship. And I still feel good about it, if only because my views of appropriate relationships are in flux. I see some problems that could definitely result from such a situation, but most of those could occur with any male and any mix of religious beliefs. Off hand, I’d say the most dangerous attitude of any person in such a situation would be the ‘i’m dating AND converting them’ attitude, which i don’t think is present in the one of which i speak. i know married couples past retirement containing a wife still ‘converting’ her husband. One could probably take it step further and argue against the idea of ‘converting’ anyone, but that someone would likely be too liberal for the crowds reading this blog.

When I expressed support for the relationship of unequal yoking, I used examples from my own life, starting with a traditional/conservative upbringing and moving into (what I hope is) a more balanced view of life. My fear in all of this is that it is irrelevant to her situation, as she has always been more progressive than me. More so, I worry that I’m wrong. That the choices I’ve made based on the assumptions I have are flawed, and all other output is therefore wrong. I still encourage this relationship I speak of, because I feel the dating model I previously followed (date only if considering marriage) has not proved to be beneficial to me, and I’ve been taking a dualistic approach: either date none or many. I trust this woman to [ignore me and] balance cautious realism with idealistic moment-by-moment enjoyment of her present situation.

I’ve got more here for you, but I’m exhausted. I guess I’ll just keep going. See how far I get. First off, I take secret pride in telling people how busy I am. I enjoy showing just the right amount of false humility by shrugging and saying ‘eh, it’s not as bad as it sounds’ which is true until i try to make time for something besides work. My family (esp. extended) have a tendency to be work-a-holics and I do not want to be that. When I get emotional pats on the back from family and friends i often interpret that as encouragement to continue down that path. i want to please too much and sacrifice self too quickly. if i don’t learn self-control by the time I get around to a serious relationship (was going to use ‘entanglement,’ which is to me a positive perspective on the whole affair but some may disagree) it will cause far more strain than necessary.

Another ramble: why my ‘ex’ pisses me off. WARNING: I may have caused the situation that I will now rail against. She does this random call or text thing with the most oddball questions. I assumed it was because she wanted reasons to maintain some kind of contact. In recent months I’ve been more open to conversation and have changed my answer format from ’short answer’ to ‘open essay.’ On the occasions I’ve called her about something or returned her calls, I assumed it would lead to at least a five minute conversation. Not so. I guess it highlights the major differences we have in viewing the world. I just don’t know why something would be important enough to contact someone about but not important enough to discuss for more than :54 seconds. Today, after weeks being incommunicado, she texts ‘on what does your camera record?’
me (internally): why? are you wanting to use it? are you having a technical discussion about film formats around the bar table? where is this leading?

me (texting): mini DV

her: DV? do u mean DVD?

me (internally): no, if i had meant dvd i would have texted that. it took me long enough to get 2 capital letters in a row. oh, i guess she doesn’t know all of that. she did use my camera several times before, but maybe she’s unfamiliar with mini DV… where is this heading?

me (texting): no, it’s a mini cassette

her: K thanks

that’s it. End of Transmission. Why? Did she win a bet? What purpose was that fifteen minute interval of my life as i fought icy roads and stupid drivers home?

maybe i’m still being nitpicky. still, i don’t see how it’s okay to ask someone to call one’s self back regarding a question and then treat their phone call like a nuisance. like she couldn’t splurge on that extra 6 seconds to say ‘hey i’m super busy but i hope life is well for you and so i’m leaving now have a good day ‘…= 1:00 total.

and the worst part is, i probably caused it.

so there’s some whining for you. this (insert uncomplimentary word like diarrhea) of a blog needs to end soon.
one last thing to rant about: There’s a new plot twist in the continuing saga of the ‘Left Behind’ serious of post-apocalyptic (right?) novels: a video game. The online source I discovered this at implied gameplay containing warfare against other religions and forcible ‘conversions’ to Christianity. it’s not true, but check it out for yourself here.

The clock has struck one, and here i sit a pumpkin. or at least a depressing pink-slippered fool. i have no comment on this video game except to note the financial aspects of the American Christian culture.

Last thing: I put in an application for graduation and took the exit exam, which consisted of 35 minutes of busy work questions and has literally no bearing on my eligibility to graduate. I’ll bet each time I graduate I’ll have to take that same test.

Good night and good luck. I’ll take my music (currently Radiohead) downstairs with me to catch some long lost z’s.