Welcome to the show, everybody! Are you ready for fun!? Are you ready for excitement!? Great!! Let’s!………………..Get!…………………….Random!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s later than I would like it to be, and I’m inherently lazy so I would normally not be blogging. However, I wanted to share a few things about this week before starting the next (don’t get technical on me here, okay? Monday works fine for the start of a week). First news first… I helped a co-worker get laid! Yehaw!
My role in this narrative is quite limited, really. It goes like this: The lady across from me is the newest addition to the department that I don’t work with yet physically do work with. She’s divorced with a couple of teenage? daughters. She’s getting cozy with a military guy. He sends her a riddle and says, “if you figure this out, we’ll go to dinner.” She then shows said email to me, who reads about how it’s supposedly associated with both LSAT questions and Einstein. I realize these keywords make great google fodder. Sure enough, I quickly find a forum posting where someone has posted not only the riddle, but a step-by-step solution. I email her this site. Soon, I hear her talking on her cellphone in that unmistakable “flirty voice” women use at such occasions. I later get the results: he knew she ‘cheated’ but because his rules did not exclude phone-a-friend, she still ‘wins.’ Olive Garden it is. Now, details from this point are non-existent, so I hafta kinda read between the lines. Evidence A: Olive Garden is one of the premiere lady-ing spots in town. Evidence B: when I asked her how dinner was the next day, she stated it was quote good endquote and then shared a secret little smile with herself. Using logic and journalistic license we can safely say her night was, according to Tony the Tiger, not just GOOD but GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!
My presumption is that one can’t go to Olive Garden with a member of the opposite (yet equal) gender without sexcapades ensuing. Go ahead and let me know how that’s worked out for you. Strangely, despite this theory I have spent precious little time in this oh-so-elegant restaurant.
I guess the main thrust of the presentation thus far is that if you’re a woman looking to get all watch-your-hands-mister-and-we’ll-see-if-you-play-your-cards-right on a man, I’ll be the man in the middle for you. Not like that, though.
Judging from my last post, I need to quote from The Big Lebowski and link to pics of naked skydiving to get the comments flowing. Interesting readership I have, eh? If I ever find that naked bullriding pic again, you’ll be the first to know. And keep the comments coming.
I re-potted a spider plant today. And by “re-potted” I mean “killed thoroughly.” Let’s just say I’m botanist from my list of prospective careers. The plant might survive, though. I told it that it had better live at least for a little while because I spent a lot of time attempting this risky, majorly invasive procedure. Also, my idea that I could use my stovetop and make nary a mess was quickly proven incorrect. Now I have a re-potted newly dying plant, a clean stove and a vacuum full of fungus-rich potting soil! A threefer!
The major reason I did this tonight was because I wanted to install the new auto-watering device that will do a much better job than me at hydrating this plant. The bad news here is that I set it up incorrectly and it dumped all the water in at once, unbeknown to me. Watching a plant shoot water out it’s drain holes holes is like watching a pet piss on the furniture- you can’t make it stop and get to towels at the same time. The plant, however, doesn’t leave blacklight-visible stains.
For those of you concerned about my ongoing computer problems, here’s an update: sometimes the best defense is a good offense. I just went ahead and took out my hard drive. Right now I’m using an operating system called “Puppy Linux.” The name really is a shame, but it’s great beyond that. To help you, dear reader, appreciate my thoughts on this, please allow me to digress.
When computing first appeared as a bright beam of hope in a dark world of data oppression (hyperbole, anyone?) programs were written to deal directly with that specific hardware. So a program would have to talk directly to that specific keyboard and then read from that specific harddrive and so on. Nothing was portable- programs would work only on a single computer unless another shared exactly the same components, which was unlikely. Even if the keyboard were switched from an English to, say, a Russian keyboard the program would choke and die. Then came the concept of a operating system. This acts as a layer between the hardware and software. Now it’s the operating system’s responsibility to figure out how speak with that hot-off-the-shelves 8″ floppy drive (bad time for a yo mama joke?). Programs written for that OS now become portable and powerful and soon it becomes commercially worthwhile to market them for each home. This is also the story of how William Gates became very rich.
So the point is that there are other OSes in the world besides Windows Vista SP3 and Mac OS X Leopard or whatever they’re at now. SP5 and Liger for all I know. Another popular OS is Linux, which is based (like so many OSes) off of Unix. A big reason for it’s popularity is that the source code (human readable code that, when compiled, gives commands the computer understands) is available freely. So if someone understands what the code is doing, they can add/delete/modify to their heart’s content. This my friends is a very powerful concept. Some of the most innovative and popular software today has been created not by a well-paid team from a large organization but by volunteer geeks scattered about the world doing a little coding between supper and bedtime. Of course, each person has different wants, so many forms of the same basic OS are created. These are mostly referred to as ‘flavors’ of Linux. This flavor is “Puppy Linux.” Here’s why I’m using it: it’s designed to run entirely in RAM. The OS your browser is running on is so large that it pulls the bits it needs from the hard drive into RAM and uses those until it needs another bit. All this hard drive activity slows down performance noticeably. Puppy Linux gets every part of itself into ram at the same time which means it responds quickly. When I say jump, this OS says ‘how high?’- your OS says ’smoke break?’ Actually, it’s probably not that noticeable to you so sorry if you’re getting defensive about your computer. The other cool thing is that I’m running this from a flash thumb drive. So while most people are using their 2 GB flash drives for school work or perverted work emails, I’m running an entire OS complete with everyday programs.
Well, it’s cool to me anyways. That computer thing turned into quite the little rant. And I still haven’t touched the surface of the open source issues. I guess I’ll turn in for some rest before that big day of data entry and picking the pimples in my beard while trying to hide my pained facial expressions from scaring the women in the department I am attached to.
I’m working on a project to take over a report being generated outside the company as of now. I just found out that they pay significantly more for this than I thought. If all goes well, I could use this as bargaining leverage because the company saving would be great huge.
That’s all folks. I’m outty like your mom on a Friday night. And I ain’t talking ’bout nobody else’s mama but yours. Unless you my sibling. Then it’s just awkward.
