Last night I found myself enjoying the company of Joel Bubna… and Joel made a comment that is worth blogging about. We were drinking beer, he was watching baseball, and we were telling stories of our life. He pointed out that, while he didn’t know how they slept at night, he had no problem understanding the position of the… men who wouldn’t be called “nice guys”. Assholes, bad boys, egotistical misogynists… however you’d like to label the guy who doesn’t care, or acts like he doesn’t care, about whatever girl is around. Joel was speaking about the amount of energy lost just trying to be a nice, good guy, in contrast with the understandable (not that I’m condoning it) actions of the other coin side.
So I pondered: Could I understand this mentality? This use-’em-lose-’em, me first, apathetic, chauvinistic reality that men can live in, and some women choose to live with?
And here is a good time to point out, being a good guy and a nice guy doesn’t mean that there is no selfish part, no chance for any of those pieces, but the overwhelming theme, the big picture is that someone else is more important. And this mentality has made me first hurt, then bitter, then annoyed, and now, after the best turn I could take, very very happy. I almost feel like talking to high school boys, whether they would listen or not, and telling them that it can (though I can’t guaranty that it will) pay off in the end being a good guy. At least, I can’t guaranty that it will pay off in the way that a guy wants - which is to be appreciated for being good rather than bad, nice rather than a jackass, sweet and tender rather than pushy and cold. Maybe there is no convincing a man what kind of person he is to be. I never really thought about how much easier things would be if I discounted anybody else’s feelings, if I looked out for me first, if I got what I wanted and got out when I needed to.
Such a relative topic, I know. Unhelpful. What constitutes a “good guy”… by contrast. I think we only have contrast in this case.
And why is it so easy to think of men in two categories, but there is no impetus to do the same for women? A woman seems innocent or good until proven otherwise. But it almost feels (from my limited perspective) that a man must prove his quality. That his value is won rather than lost.
Maybe none of this is making sense. I thought I had something good to say about this, but this isn’t turning out like I thought.
Well, it looks like it is time to shut down this computer, and take it apart, and move it to my new place where there is yet to be internet access. I don’t know when I’ll get to blog again. But I can’t wait to see Wakefield tonight. I miss that kid. He’s good, no doubt. Says the wrong thing at the exact wrong time, all the time, but he’s still good.
Arme a dir che. (?)