I realized over the past few days how confounding my inclinations towards various women have become by mere numbers, but also in nuance and setting, so to clarify for noone’s sake but my own, here I write. Maybe a great difficulty is even deciding an order of some sort. So, I will simply go by which girl I last had contact with… hope you enjoy what would have made a great flow-chart.
Melissa (Ferguson) called tonight. I met Melissa probably a half-dozen years ago, tried to date her in college, failed more than once, and have been the fish-with-hook-in-mouth on the end of her very long troll line that she tugs from time to time to see if I’m there. She’s the essential pattern of womanly wonders that I have always wanted all in one place: She is a beautiful, thin brunette. She’s intelligent and thoughtful (MA in English right out of college). She’s very sweet and kind, almost to a fault. She seems naive sometimes, but some amazes me with her awareness. I would spend my life with her and be a very happy and blessed man. But she lives in Minnesota and seems fine with that, and I am very happy in Portland - I promised myself I wouldn’t live in Minnesota every again if I can help it. So that’s Melissa.
Amber is my boss. She is a queen in my mind. She is regal and tempered, stately and calm and natural, but edged with mischievious moments. She laughs like light pizzicato and her voice is melodic. She winked at me today and I went around the corner of the cubical with my eyes wide open and my heart pounding. I’ve known Amber for five months. I’m sure we’re not a viable unit outside of the professional realm where we are together, but she still commands most of my day in ways she probably wouldn’t even have thought of. That’s Amber.
Brittney (I think that’s her name) is blonde and bubbly and the typical barely out of teenaged years sort of girl. She hasn’t broken much of the stereotype of her hair color. She attractive and easy to dance with. I have danced with her for probably a month, and last night realized I think I forgot her name. Still, she’s a nice, cute girl that dances with me. That’s Brittney, I hope.
Amy is attractive and slightly awkward, engaging and probably a very normal girl in most ways. Her dancing is a little jagged and I worry that I give her the wrong idea with the amount of attention I give her whenever she’s around. She graduated from Bob Jones University, I think, and some of that still seems to hold a steady residual feel in her conversation and thought processes. I met her last August at a dance, just a few weeks before I met Tameka (moments like this would have lent themselves to a flow chart with fun arrows). I’ll see her regularly well into the future, I assume. She’s a nice girl and would make a good friend, but I’m not trying to date her, at least that I’m aware of. So that’s Amy.
Natalie looks 16, is 24 and owns a house and is an accountant and double-majored in history in her undergrad. She’s really cute, short little brown hair pulled back in a ponytail with just a tiny little feminine figure. She’s a good dancer, but still in some learning stages with momentum and form. I’m not the only one that noticed Natalie. I saw a guy (named Scott, who’s a better dancer and better looking than me, except he’s bald so I’ve got one shot there) giving her his number last night. I probably shouldn’t date Natalie anyway. We seem to have very different lives. So that’s Natalie.
Meagan I met last night at the dance. I just point her out because she was an incredible follow, claiming to not be a east-coast dancer at all, and she followed me like a pro. She was fun, and tried to teach me west-coast swing for a while (she said I wasn’t a bad follow). Great dancing there. That’s Meagan.
Elisha and I watched Meagan originally while discussing the various dancers we knew across the floor. Elisha is tall and attractive and confident and just a little quirky, but very fun. She graduated from my college in the spring of 2000, I started that fall. Ships in the night, three months apart, right? Great girl. We spent a good deal of time just chatting last night. She’s a pretty good dancer, but has some of the general issues as Natalie that could be solved with a few tips that I can’t give since it makes you look like an arrogant bastard (like I’m doing here). I’ll see Elisha around regularly, I assume and hope. That’s Elisha.
(?) is a highschooler that I have taken a dance class with for a month. I should know her name by now, but we’ve danced too much for too long for me to ask. She’s really a cute, too sweet, mostly shy 17-year-old that would have won my heart about six years ago, but I’m trying to stay away from teenagers nowadays. But she’s a great balboa dancer (that’s the lessons we were taking). Not great with lindy-hop, pretty good at everything else, and she’s nice enough to let a 24-year-old bearded simpleton pull her in close for some balboa practice. She thanks me after every dance. I’ll figure out her name somehow. That’s… highschooler Jane.
Jessica showed up with Erica at the 51st Eight dance last Thursday. They’re a trad band, the 51st Eight, not Erica and Jessica. So Jessica is, at present, my most focused and definite interest that is living and breathing (what many consider to be two of my three nonnegotiables, the third being female). I will fail to explain Jessica with an sense of clarity. She… was just wonderful to be around, to dance with, to see… I hope she’ll show up this Thursday. So, that’s Jessica.
Lindsey was with Amy at the dance. I met Lindsey last October or November, and she was the first girl to help me forget about Tameka. Lindsey is beautiful, sandy-blonde/light brunette with long straight hair and slightly aquilline features. She graduated from Biola, she’s bright and engaging, musical and still very reserved. She’s got a very conservative nature - hard to read, but she’s still warm and sweet. We don’t always have great dances, but we’re doing better. That’s Lindsey.
Connected with Lindsey is her younger sister, whose name now escapes me. She is like the girl of my dreams. Long dark brown hair, stunning beauty, relaxed persona, history (ed) major. Oh, she’s a sophomore and goes to college in Salem. I hope to see her again, or if I’m ever dating someone, I hope to never see her again. She made quite the impression on me after meeting her once. That’s Lindsey’s sister.
Elizabeth showed up at the same dance when I met Lindsey’s sister, sometime back in January. Elizabeth is gorgeous, curly dark, dark brunette hair, beautiful smile that is always on her face, tiny little wonderful picture of femininity. She’s bubbly and sweet. In a nursing program. She’s probably just turned 19 in the last few days. I asked her on a date, sort of, and she gave me no answer. I’d still take her out. We dance quite well together. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks. Oh well. That’s Elizabeth.
Tameka will herself turn 19 a week from Thursday. Should anybody that reads this be in the dark about my last girlfriend? I met Tameka at a dance, and we were dating… and about the time I got used to the idea that we were dating, we weren’t. I haven’t seen her in nearly five months. We’ve tried e-mailing. She says she still wants to be friends. I finally sent her an e-mail saying I didn’t think we could be friends, and with no response, I have to assume I will never have any interaction with her again. We were something else while it lasted, though. But she’s not a very good dancer, mostly because she’s too strong-willed and uninterested in learning new things. That’s Tameka.
Jessica (#2) I met last August at a dance. She’s tall and cute and very forward. To get the whole story, you can do some back-reading throughout the blog, especially lately. Jessica thinks we’re… something. I’ve actually not talked to her in a month because initially I wanted to make sure we weren’t doing anything near Valentine’s Day so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea. Now that that’s over, I’m actually busy and not ready to be DTRed for no apparent reason. It’s a little wrong, except I can’t see any way around getting in trouble with her. I do something, things go wrong, I don’t, she’s hurt that I’m ignoring her… so if I just had a sudden girlfriend everybody would be happy, right? Gotta figure that one out. I didn’t explain Jessica very well. But that’s Jessica.
Erin brought Jessica (#2) to that August dance. Erin was my dance partner and is busy finishing her nursing degree. She reminds me of an ex-girlfriend. We have great dancing chemistry, she’s attractive, and we’d make a terrible couple. I really can’t wait to see her again and dance, though. She’s the reason I’m dancing like I am now. She’s a great girl. That’s Erin.
So, that’s it for this would-be flow-chart. Draw your own lines. I would have put large arrows to show intensity of interest and connection. I probably would have used the flow-chart to give myself a better idea of who I am really interested in… Most guys focus their attention and get one girl. I’m a little more disseminated than that, at present. I’ve proven I can focus before, I just need to again. Why narrow the options for no good reason. Girls are great. That should be the title of this blog, but I need the flow-chart idea from the beginning. Maybe the chart would start here at the bottom, anyway, with Erin, and you could follow it through all the girls I met at dances because of her (wouldn’t include Melissa). That’s be fun. I’ll see what I can come up with. I’m just trying to keep things straight, for you and for me. Like I said, girls are great. Except when they dump you at a dance out of nowhere. Not so great then.